Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Return to Work

This week was my first week back to work. I have never felt so many mixed emotions in my life! I had pre-separation anxiety, worrying that Caleb would know that I was gone, not take the bottles of milk that I had pumped, cry the whole entire day and not survive. Because, for goodness sake, he's survived only because he has been cared for constantly by his mom and if she were not there, the thriving would cease! Now I know this sounds ridiculous, and as I am typing this all out, I realize even more just how crazy it sounds, but these were the thoughts that I had. Not to mention the concern about whether or not I would be able to pump enough while away from him to sustain him for the next day, what work would be like once I returned, how I would get ready in the morning, pack my lunch, feed Caleb once, get him ready for the day, get to work on time, etc.

Thankfully, my sister had off this week from her job as a Christian school teacher in Maryland, and she offered to come stay with him. Caleb was able to remain in his normal environment and this allowed me to be able to get into more of a morning routine before adding in morning/evening transportation to and from the babysitter's house.  I was welcomed back with open arms to work (thanks to my wonderful, supportive co-workers) and everything went pretty seamlessly with the transition. I am so thankful! I cried a few times leaving in the morning, and on my way to work, but after that was able to keep it together. I got some texts throughout the day of a happy and healthy little boy. Isn't he so cute!? Tummy time, sitting on the big bed, and even holding his own bottle. 

Clearly, I had a MUCH harder day than Caleb. I am glad to be back at work, and have realized through talking with a friend that by working, I am providing for him in different ways. Of course I still miss him all the time, and would rather be at home cuddling and giggling together, but for now, that's just not going to work for our family. We'll see how it goes! And thankfully, Christmas vacation is just around the corner...

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